I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
