DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
