it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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