At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
