Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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