i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
