I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
