dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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