my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
