We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Everyone says I win the strip club
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
