i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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