Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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