he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
