well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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