It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
