I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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