Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
