I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
vagina is talking i cant
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
