I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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