I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
