What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
