Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
