jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
