I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
