After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
