I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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