Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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