Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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