You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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