Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
