I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
