You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
