Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
