Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
