you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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