fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
