I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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