It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
