someone threw a dead crab at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
