my vag is so smooth its legendary
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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