Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
