grandma shit on top of the toilet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
