I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
