Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
