Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
