No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
