You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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