Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she smelled like a LAN party
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
