I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Houston, we have a squirter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
