I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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