she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So vagazzling was a success
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
